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Passage: Wenceslao Moreno, 103 - Viewers during television's Golden Age knew him as Se or Wences, a ventriloquist whose skills confounded even his fellow professionals. The Spanish-born Wences came to the United States in 1934, in his words, "as just another ventriloquist with a dummy" but had to quickly refine his act when the dummy was badly damaged in an accident, leaving only the head intact. The head wound up in a box as Pedro, and gave Wences his signature line: "S'ok?" he would ask. "S'awright," Pedro replied. Wences, who performed into his 90s, became famous as a fixture on The Ed Sullivan Show during the 1950s and '60s. [Wired News]
Passage: Yehudi Menuhin, 82 - His debut at 7 electrified a San Francisco audience and by the age of 11, Menuhin and his violin had reached the boards of Carnegie Hall, performing with the New York Philharmonic under the baton of legendary German conductor Fritz Busch. Menuhin was a giant of the 20th century classical music world who performed with -- and later conducted -- virtually all of the great orchestras. He died of heart failure in Berlin, three days after canceling a concert appearance. [Wired News]
Passing the Buck - It may cost him the vote of every Monopoly player in the country, but Republican presidential candidate Steve Forbes is making it perfectly clear: If he's elected, the new $20 bill goes. "We'll have money that looks real again," Forbes promised the Des Moines Chamber of Commerce, saying the redesigned 20 -- which is supposed to be harder to counterfeit -- "looks like Monopoly money." Forbes was actually talking about the economy, lamenting the fact that 60 percent of all US currency circulates outside the country, when he made his crack about the Andrew Jackson. It's probably a moot point anyway. Forbes isn't within spitting distance of Republican frontrunner, George W. Bush. [Wired News]
Payton Ailing - Walter Payton, the NFL's all-time leading rusher, has a rare disease that is destroying his liver and he needs a transplant in order to survive. Payton, 44, appeared gaunt at a press conference on Tuesday where he revealed that he is suffering from primary sclerosing cholangitis, which blocks the liver's bile ducts. The cause is unknown, but is unrelated to alcohol, steroid use, hepatitis, or any kind of immunodeficiency disease. Without a transplant, Payton is unlikely to live more than two years. With the transplant, he stands a decent chance of resuming a normal life, his physician said. The Hall of Famer gained 16,726 yards in 13 seasons with the Chicago Bears. [Wired News]
Peace in Our Time - Assuming that Serbian troops begin withdrawing from Kosovo as promised, the bombing will stop, the people will come home, and the war will end. An international peacekeeping force will move into Kosovo to safeguard returning refugees and a UN war crimes tribunal will start gathering evidence of Serbian atrocities. On the other hand, Slobodan Milosevic has not been dislodged and Kosovo will remain under NATO administration with no promise and little hope of ever achieving complete independence. The Kosovo Liberation Army promises to remain a thorn in everybody's side, the Serbs are relieved but resentful, and thousands of Kosovar refugees are trying to sneak into Germany, which doesn't thrill the Germans very much. Say ... isn't that Neville Chamberlain over there? [Wired News]
Pet Peeve - San Francisco is certainly one of the most politically correct cities in the United States. If we needed additional proof, now comes word that city officials are considering a proposal to do away with the phrase "pet ownership" and adopt "pet guardian" as the preferred term. According to the San Francisco Chronicle, the animal rights advocate who pitched the idea argued that "ownership" is an offensive word, one that encourages people to think of their pets as disposable property. Although no decision was made, officials are said to be taking the suggestion seriously. Maybe it's not as screwy as it sounds. The city's namesake, after all, is St. Francis, the patron saint of animals. [Wired News]
Pez Nation - There seems to be a convention for everything -- even candy. Over 2,000 Pez enthusiasts are expected to attend this weekend's PEZ-A-Mania convention in Independence, Ohio. Pez candy, contained in dispensers with plastic cartoon figure-like heads, was originally produced as an alternative to smoking. Seems the candy is equally addictive, as collectors will trade not only dispensers, but posters, display cases, and vintage candy. One of the most prized dispensers is worth US$5,000. [Wired News]
Pilot Acquitted - Although Captain Richard Ashby's EA-6B Prowler was flying too low (370 feet) and too fast (621 mph), a military jury Thursday acquitted the US Marine pilot on charges that his reckless flying caused the jet to clip a ski gondola in the Italian Alps, sending 20 people plunging to their deaths. The verdict, which came after seven hours of deliberation, was delivered in front of a courtroom audience that included Ashby's family and relatives of the victims, all Europeans. The accident, which occurred 3 February 1998, strained relations between Italy and the United States, and Thursday's verdict won't help much. Italian Prime Minister Massimo D'Alema, in the United States for a visit with President Clinton, said the verdict "baffled" him. [Wired News]
Pipe Dreams - An American arrested in Canada and charged with plotting to blow up the trans-Alaska oil pipeline on New Year's Day was apparently motivated by the most American of reasons: profit. Alfred Heinz Reumayr said in an affidavit that he was timing the sabotage to coincide with the "multiplier effect I'm expecting from the whole millennium effect." According to the informant who fingered him, Reumayr was planning to buy up oil futures before detonating 14 bombs to destroy the pipeline. The United States has begun extradition proceedings with Canada, so it can nail Reumayr's sorry hide to the wall. [Wired News]
Pissed Off - Politics is an ugly business, and as the lieutenant governor of Alabama found out over the weekend, it can be an uncomfortable one, too. Steve Windom, the first Republican to hold that office in Alabama during this century, accused his Democratic opponents of deliberately stringing out a special session of the state Senate for so long Sunday that he was forced to relieve himself in a jug under his desk. Windom, who as lieutentant governor presides over the Senate, said he feared being replaced if he left the chambers to run to the gents. His fears appear to be well-founded: The session was called to resolve a spat over Senate operating rules, which were redrafted by the Democrats to strip the lieutenant governor of power following Windom's election last November. [Wired News]
Pitcher Perfect - David Cone's perfect game Sunday at Yankee Stadium was only the 14th in baseball's modern era -- but the second thrown by a Yankee pitcher in 14 months. Pitching in 95-degree heat, Cone needed only 88 pitches to dispatch 27 Montreal Expos batters in a 6-0 victory, surpassing even David Wells' gem last year against Minnesota. In a nice coincidence, Don Larsen, who pitched the only perfect game in World Series history, was in the ballpark to witness Cone's perfecto. [Wired News]
Planned Parenthood - Wanna be the first couple on your block with a millennium baby? The time to start thinking about it is now, and you should be doing more than thinking about it, if you get our drift. According to Babycenter.com, which knows about these things, April 9th (that's Friday) is the optimum day to shoot for a New Year's Day kid. While the editors of Wired News won't dispute the mathematics, we perhaps have less faith in the virility of the average stud than do our colleagues at Babycenter. We recommend bracketing your exposure, to borrow the photographers' happy phrase. [Wired News]
Play It Again - Resurrected by several egregiously bad calls that even its most outspoken opponents couldn't ignore, instant replay returns to the NFL for the 1999 season. League owners voted 29-3 (with only Arizona, Cincinnati, and the New York Jets refusing to budge) to restore the controversial system that allows coaches to second-guess a referee's call. This time around, instant replay has been streamlined to keep the game moving: A coach can "challenge" the ref's call twice a game. If the challenge is overruled by replay, the team loses a timeout. If the challenge is upheld, no timeout is assessed. [Wired News]
Playing Hardball - When Cuba's national baseball team arrives in Baltimore for Monday's exhibition game against the Orioles, the word on everybody's mind will be "defection." A few highly publicized defections in recent years have fueled speculation that more Cuban ballplayers might try and slip the leash while in the United States and hook up with a big-league club. The financial and professional incentives are attractive, but the odds of anyone successfully defecting on this goodwill trip are slim: Security will be tight and the players will be closely monitored. Besides, the best of the young Cuban players aren't even making the trip; the team is composed mostly of "veterans," to put it kindly. [Wired News]
Point Made - At least five people drowned in Israel over the weekend and more were injured after 200 lifeguards refused to work because of a wage dispute, the Associated Press reported. Since the partial strike began 1 May, 12 swimmers have died and 23 have suffered injuries on Israeli beaches. The lifeguards want a 30 percent increase in pay. Perhaps the municipalities that write the checks should pay up -- and quick. [Wired News]
Police Work - With police credibility at an all-time low in the United States, especially among members of minority groups, Attorney General Janet Reno is hosting a two-day "Police Integrity Conference," bringing together top law enforcement officials and civil rights leaders. The point is to mend some fences, which were further eroded by the recent police brutality scandal in New York. But Reno also hopes to see some practical changes in procedure that will keep officers from having to resort to force as often as they do. The conference is focusing on that issue, as well as hiring and recruitment, racial profiling, management techniques, and interaction with the community. [Wired News]
Poll on Violence - This just in: The majority of American parents worry about the safety of their children at school, a CNN/Gallup poll finds. Since the poll was taken in the wake of Tuesday's massacre at a Colorado high school, it's hardly surprising to find that 68 percent of those polled think that it's "very likely" or "somewhat likely" a similar type of shooting could occur in their communities. Or that 79 percent think what happened in Littleton is symptomatic of "something seriously wrong" in the United States. More telling, perhaps, are the things parents blame for causing these horrific events: 60 percent said the availability of guns, 51 percent blamed the parents of murderous kids, and 49 percent cited the influence of violence in TV, movies, and music. The Internet didn't escape unscathed, either. Thirty-four percent of those polled think an unfettered Web contributes to violent behavior in kids. [Wired News]
Porn Law Thwarted - A US District Judge has ruled that parents, not the courts, are responsible for keeping children from seeing pornography on the Net. On Thursday, Judge Arthur Tarnow issued a preliminary injunction to prevent enforcement of a Michigan law, due to go into effect 1 August, that would have made it illegal to transmit sexually explicit material over the Net. Tarnow said the law would have violated adults' free-speech rights because it is difficult to identify individuals on the Net or to verify their age. [Wired News]
Porn Law Thwarted - A US District Judge has ruled that parents, not the courts, are responsible for keeping children from seeing pornography on the Net. On Thursday, Judge Arthur Tarnow issued a preliminary injunction to prevent enforcement of a Michigan law, due to go into effect 1 August, that would have made it illegal to transmit sexually explicit material over the Net. Tarnow said the law would have violated adults' free-speech rights because it is difficult to identify individuals on the Net or to verify their age. [Wired News]
Primate Urges - The discovery of a 25,000-year-old skeleton is the strongest evidence yet that Neanderthal and modern man not only coexisted but, uh, CO-existed. The skeleton of a 4-year-old boy, unearthed in Portugal last year, displays attributes common to both, suggesting that the tribes did more than throw rocks at each other. Whether there was actually any cross-pollinating going on remains a subject of debate; many scientists are skeptical. Still, the kid must have gotten that forehead someplace. [Wired News]
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